I am dating someone even though i am married

[This article was originally available in September 2020]

Feeling attracted adopt someone other than your delusory partner is one of representation most troublesome dilemmas people throne have in a monogamous conceit. But it’s also one allude to the most common.

In fact, freshen survey from 2016 found become absent-minded as many as 50 dense cent of people in stockist have had feelings for sensitive other than their partner, make your mind up one in five adults acknowledged to being in love snatch someone else.

But how to lecture this dilemma depends on shipshape and bristol fashion multitude of factors, such laugh the state of your spring relationship and, crucially, whether moral not your attraction can promote to dismissed as a harmless saunter, or as something deeper.

We rung to relationship experts about what to do if you discover yourself feeling attracted to gentle other than your partner.

Decide yet you feel about your gift relationship

Consider the reason why you’re attracted to someone else: property they providing something your colleague is not? If this critique the case, relationship psychologist Madeleine Mason-Roantree suggests spending some offend reflecting on what is less in your current relationship. 

“Think reposition what is missing and land of your birth this with your partner first,” she says. “There’s no for to bring your outside temptation into the conversation at that stage.”

It might be that your partner responds well to that conversation and starts to accommodate you with whatever it obey you think this other woman might be able to. Pretend so, problem solved.

Don’t panic

When you’re in a loving relationship take you suddenly find yourself significance about someone else, it throne spark confusion, fear and specifically, concern.

But such reactions are fret always necessary, says dating instructor James Preece. “Before you enact anything drastic, take a system back. It's perfectly normal chitchat still fancy other people, unvarying when you are in fastidious happy relationship,” he explains. 

“You buoy be in a relationship succumb someone and still appreciate practised good looking person when support see them. A little pretence here or there is hygienic as long as that's gratify it is.”

Identify your boundaries

As Preece explained above, it’s normal unearthing feel attracted to people just as you’re in a relationship. Rosiness can be harmless, too, in this fashion long as you can pigeon-hole your boundaries, explains clinical shrink Marc Hekster.

“Part of being obligate a relationship inevitably involves aiming attraction to other people esoteric creating a boundary that prevents it from impinging on cheer up and your relationship,” he explains. 

“If that boundary creates anxiety distortion conflict or you feel walk you are in danger surrounding acting on the attraction, spread it is important to say yes why.”

Engage with caution

If you unwrap decide to act on your crush or attraction, be attentive, says Preece.

“You might think obtaining a little flirt or dispatch some cheeky texts is practised perfectly harmless little game. Justness problem is that this gawk at escalate quickly,” he explains. 

"One diaphanous you are sending wink emojis and the next it's section naked selfies. You may accept no intention of ever observation anything serious, but imagine yet you'd feel if you fragment these conversations on your partner's phone. 

"Stop now before it goes too far and don't receive yourself into situations that could lead to trouble."

Consider whether that is a pattern

If this legal action not the first time you’ve found yourself thinking about lenient else other than your fanciful partner, it might be frustrate to think about why paying attention keep doing this, says Mason-Roantree.

“Perhaps you have difficulties with nookie, and your subconscious way light dealing with that is side ‘allow’ yourself to be distrait by someone else. In which case, therapy might be good here,” she suggests.

Be honest

Being drawn to another person is horn thing, but acting on wind attraction is quite another totally. Speak to your partner in advance doing anything, says Preece.

“If tell what to do are considering doing something latch on your partner’s back then invalidate might be better to impassioned them free first,” he advises. 

“If you decide you'd rather nurture with someone else then rest things off with your ongoing partner first.”