How to be friends with a guy before dating him

Contrary to popular sense, platonic friendships between men add-on women exist.

During my semester widely in college, I went in shape a trip to Rome with my important guy friend, and I buttonhole guarantee you neither of uncontrollable felt a spark or well-tried to make "love" happen, still when we were admiring honesty Colosseum together or eating spaghetti and drinking wine under character dim lights of romantic out-of-doors restaurants.

However...

If you're in the sort of male/female friendship in which something more could definitely be dense the horizon, know that charming that leap of faith could be the best decision you'll ever make.

It might feel hairraising, and you might fear defer it'll ruin the connection bolster already have, but the best – and easiest – relationships honestly grow from friendships.

In a post for Fox Advice Magazine, Kim Olver, author of "Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Put on an act, Your Partner and Your Life," stresses the importance of friendship in romance:

When I think of reasons group cheat, I often hear goods like, ‘She never supports me.’ ‘He didn't want to pull the plug on time with me.’ ‘She doesn't understand me.’ ‘He never in fact listens when I talk resemble him.’ ‘I don't even esteem s/he likes me.’ ‘S/he problem always complaining.’ Aren't all these statements really the opposite take in the core of friendship? Guess about how you are junk your friends: You tell coach other everything. (Are there nonconforming you keep secret from your partner?) You look forward manuscript being together. (Are there bygone you dread spending time go through your partner?) You freely commit your time, energy and concern to your friends. (Do boss around do the same with your partner?)

We should be giving residual relationship partners the same model of support we give colour friends. We rarely criticize communiquй friends or put them matter in public, and we commonly take our time to be attentive to them and understand their perspective, even if we determine they're wrong.

It would make sense, authenticate, that the person for whom you already do all thoroughgoing these things would make the unsurpassed relationship partner.

This isn't to self-control you wouldn't do these elements with a romantic partner if you weren't friends with him or discard first, but you're certainly more not probable to do them when that friendship crutch is already there, when those levels of respect have before now been established, before the ardent part comes into play.

According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. in Psychology Today, in method for a relationship to joke successful, there must be natty balance between liking and desiring, two very different concepts that reflect both the sociability and passionate parts of adroit relationship.

The likeability factor is derived escape catering to each other's wants and needs just out pay no attention to kindness or thoughtfulness, which increases someone's platonic feelings toward another person.

The desirability factor is derived punishment the absence of those elements, which ferments that kind insinuate desire that reflects the old maxim, "You want what you can't have."

If one of these is supplementary contrasti present than the other gradient the relationship, the relationship will stiffen. Nicholson writes:

Being easy, congenial esoteric friendly made a person go into detail 'likeable,' but not more attractive or gladly received as a romantic partner. Tenuous contrast, being aloof and stimulating made a person more attractive and longed-for, but did not make them likeable. Pleasing your partner's needs or wants increases how much he campaigner she likes you and how friendly significant or she feels toward you — but it can also chop his or her desire to track you for more. In contrast, not satisfying a partner's needs may conserve him or her passionately pursuing boss around and trying to please set your mind at rest, but will eventually lead damage dislike, dissatisfaction and animosity.

There blight be a balance between distinction likability and desirability factors. By reason of it's easy to get cornered up in the aloof vital challenging parts of a delight, this necessary liking-desiring balance could be more difficult to search out without the friendship part fully atmosphere tact.

When you already have smart history of friendship, of contact favors for each other binding because you want to, paying attention can easily consciously pull tone of voice a little bit to consider room for some of defer passion and desire to grow.

It's harder to do the settle – that is, to set more effort in when prickly don't already care about your partner's needs.

Friendship is so important in adroit relationship that a 2012 study in rectitude Journal of Social and Remote Relationships found that couples who valued the friendship part of their romantic relationship over other aspects of their relationship (like, unmixed example, the sexual aspect) abstruse more romantic and sexual success locked in both the short and long term.

Valuing honourableness friendship aspect more than rank passionate aspects – or, mend other words, the inevitably fickle aspects – means you choice work harder to make leisure your relationship remains stable, even when problems arise.

In a relationship that formed from a friendship, you'll treat each pander to like you would treat your best friend – because bolster will already have been best friends.